Ivanismss: The Infinite Wisdom of Ivan
Welcome to the Ivanisms page, where we’ve collected some of Ivan’s most enlightening and amusing words of wisdom. Bask in his never-ending rightness and unparalleled insight.
“Never trust a cat that doesn’t know how to use a computer. They’re clearly hiding something.”
-Ivan
“The meaning of life? Easy. It’s like a good sandwich: always better with a pickle.”
-Ivan
“If you ever find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place, remember to bring a chisel.”
-Ivan
“What came first, the chicken or the egg? The answer is simple: Ivan. Ivan always comes first.”
-Ivan
“People say laughter is the best medicine. They’re wrong. It’s chocolate.”
-Ivan
“Why do they call it ‘quick’ sand when it sucks you down so slowly?”
-Ivan
“To be right is to be Ivan; to be Ivan is to transcend the mundane wrongness of the world.”
-Ivan
“The pen is mightier than the sword, but a keyboard can launch a thousand ships.”
-Ivan
“Time travel? Already been there, done that tomorrow.”
-Ivan
“The early bird gets the worm, but the late worm avoids getting eaten. Think about it.”
-Ivan
“Who needs a GPS when you have your own infallible sense of direction?”
-Ivan
“Why wait for the rain to go away when you can simply convince it to do so?”
-Ivan
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy chocolate, which is pretty much the same thing.”
-Ivan
“People often say ‘What’s in a name?’ I say everything. After all, I’m Ivan.”
-Ivan
“Worried about an asteroid hitting Earth? Just tell it ’no’.”
-Ivan
“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch. Give them a pop quiz instead.”
-Ivan
“The key to immortality? Refusing to stop living. Simple.”
-Ivan
“They say the sky’s the limit. That’s just because they haven’t been to Mars.”
-Ivan
“E=mc^2? More like E=mc^Ivan.”
-Ivan
“Why walk a mile in someone else’s shoes when you can teleport?”
-Ivan
“Why think outside the box when you can redesign the box to fit your thoughts?”
-Ivan
“If at first you don’t succeed, remember: you’re not Ivan.”
-Ivan
“Why do people wait for a sign when they can just ask me?”
-Ivan
Remember, an Ivanism a day keeps the wrongness away. Be sure to check back frequently, as Ivan is always bestowing new wisdom upon us.